Behind me Ego Stroker!

We tend to get stuck and don't grow because of the calibre of individuals we keep around us.

Ego strokers
These are people that we call friends and they rank high on the friendship list yet all they do is stroke our egos. They are also called yes-men. There is nothing you say or do that they can say a word against even when they feel you're wrong. You become like their little God or sometimes a child to them. 

As much as it is nice to be complimented and praised for something, is it really worth it if the compliment is not really genuine? They hide the truth behind the pretence that they are trying not to discourage you. Well in fact they give you the impression that you have arrived and find no use in persuing excellence in your craft because according to them, "Brother you were on fire 🔥!"  This however gives you the wrong impression of yourself and in all honesty it's all lies sometimes in the name of "I am being nice" . You find no reason to sharpen your axe and work on your current state, and that gets you stuck and disrupts self development.

People who do this are not good for anyone because they hinder growth and development let alone realisation of full potential.

Time and again i get bashed by my friends for saying someone is fake due to the failure to fully express myself quite well to say that the person is actually an ego stroker,an injector of false confidence and disruptor of growth. I have somehow over the years managed to sniff from afar ego strokers and automatically without being conscious about it, the connection with such people weakens because my subconscious would put a red flag on the individual. The friendship then becomes a casual, shallow one, not that I mind, I mean I am about growth.

Self Development Facilitators
Personally I respect and strive to surround myself and even love being in the environment of people who give constructive criticism because I believe they point out the points where I excel and where I have my shortfalls so I work on them to develop myself further and become a better individual at what I do. I normally form strong long lasting bonds with such people and I actually believe they are important to me as they help me grow and tap into my u unharnessed potential. I am also free to express myself and give advise to these friends. These I call the friends of self development, the pushers and true friends.

So yes I am all for not discouraging people by just pointing out what they do wrong, but the reverse is also not helpful if you don't balance it with the missed spots. A balance should be found and a proper speech deviced so that we don't focus on one leg and cause an imbalance on the other. Let's point out what somebody did right but also point out improvement areas to help that person grow in that area.

A motto that I grew up with that has made me what I am now was that we "Use every negativity as a stepping stone to success. Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives."

So evaluate your life and i am in no way saying desert your friends, Noo! Hear me well, I'm basically saying ensure the voices that surround you add on if not encourage self growth and development.

" True friends are those who push you towards the better version of you that they see every time you hit a milestone" - Modiredi

"You have achieved this, oh yes you can achieve even better"

"We got the heart of what you were saying, and it was quite profound. Next time you can work on your flow of idea to fully drive the point home and keep people in the same frequency as you."

"You got a B, with the right amount of dedication, hard work and prayer, you can get a distinction on this paper."

The aforementioned statements don't hurt at all. Let's just try that and build that person we call a friend.